


Something isn't right with my friend

by charcoalscenes



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Manhandling, POV First Person, Tentacles, dubcon, fast build/pace, maybe I'll write quality fic one day but today is not that day, monster kink, past Yuma/Astral and Yuma/others
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-17
Packaged: 2018-04-09 21:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4365194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcoalscenes/pseuds/charcoalscenes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something isn't right with my new friend, Shingetsu. I just met him, and he's wonderful. He's easy to love, but I see him in my nightmares. Even there, he's easy to love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vector

**Author's Note:**

> For the ygoshipolympics prompt: "Thrilling, isn't it?" 
> 
> I only write in first-person very rarely, and wanted to try after reading some reddit NoSleep stories. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy

It sounds horrible of me, so I don't tell anyone. This isn't like me. It isn't like me to think badly of other people behind their backs, and it isn't like me to be scared of anyone either.

But it's true. I love my new friend, Shingetsu. He's one of the most considerate people I've met – he spends time with me whenever he can, and always tries to treat me to food. He says he wants to be there for me if I'm ever bothered by something. But the way we met, the timing, and the things that have been happening – to me – have made my relationship with him feel– …hard. I have a hard time being comfortable with him. I don’t know if I should be alone with him.

He hasn't done anything wrong, but I see Shingetsu in my nightmares.

Most of my friends know my reputation when it comes to scary things, but all of them – even Kotori – know only the surface of it. The surface is that I’m never scared of monsters. I’m a horror buff, and every Halloween, I’m the guy who the rest of the group clings to during the scary movie marathon or in the monster-themed amusement parks. It’s been that way for years.

Underneath the surface is this: I do get scared, but I get over it easily, just as I get over a lot of challenges easily. I usually call it kattobingu, and so everyone thinks that’s all this is – that I kattobing my way through the shadows that move by themselves at night and the creaking under my bed. I tried to kattobing through it, though, and it didn’t work – not for this; not for monsters. For the stories and nightmares that used to be unbearable and paralyzing, I tried a different tactic. It’s worked perfectly for me up until recently.

Kotori, Tetsuo, and I were cleaning up my mentor’s old library. Rokujiro had traveled a lot and still does, and had collected trinkets from his adventures – kind of like my dad. It was our first time visiting his library, though, and while he was away, we decided to browse through his collection.

“Does he have a demonology thing going on here?” Kotori snapped, concerned and disapproving of Master Roku’s tastes. She gripped a large hardcover tight in one hand and peered at the shelf of books by her side. “Yuma,” she said to me, “I thought Roku was just teaching you how to duel and fight? Are you not telling me something?”

“Is he teaching you to be a demon-fighting apprentice, you mean?” Tetsuo blunted. The tallest out of the three of us, he was able to reach the top of the shelves more easily, and so got better glimpses of the titles there. “But hey, look at these! Not everything in this place is spellbooks and Hell 101, I guess. I think this is a history book?”

He brought it down with him. We paused in dusting and scrubbing the room and looked down at the plain cover that Tetsuo laid on a table, blank with only the word “ANCIENT” embedded on the spine. A map greeted us on the first page.

“This must be a fantasy,” Kotori pointed out. “This doesn’t look like any world map I’ve ever seen.”

“It might not be a world map?” Tetsuo replied. “It might just be an area we’re not familiar with.” I already started flipping pages as they kept discussing it, but instead of looking at the table of contents, I went straight for the pages that still had plain folded-paper bookmarks in them. Three pages were bookmarked, it looked, each the beginning of a chapter.

The last bookmarked chapter was simply named “Prince.” I flipped past its first pages, and was met by a drawn picture of something resembling human, with four limbs, sitting on a throne and wrapped with cords or tentacles, conjoined so that the end of one and the beginning of the others couldn’t be told, and all of them were attached or going through the form of whoever was sitting down, impaling the person onto the grand chair. Grotesque, but bloodless.

Kotori gave a soft cry while Tetsuo and I yelped a simultaneous, “Woah!”

“So this is still some kind of weird book!” She accused, then turned to me. “Leave it to you to pick out a mentor who’s into the same kind of stuff you are!”

I let out a sheepish laugh before Master Roku returned. “Put that thing back where you got it,” he directed, calm and unharsh.

He wasn’t angry, so pushing my luck, I asked as Tetsuo closed the book and went to follow Roku’s order, “What’s the story behind that drawing, Teach?” I was excited, knowing there must be something good behind that sketch we briefly saw. And despite Kotori’s weariness, I knew her well enough to recognize when she was curious too, despite herself.

“What drawing, Yuma? There must be a hundred in that old thing. What made you pick that book out of all the others?”

“I thought it was a history book!” Tetsuo answered defensively before I went on, “The picture in the chapter called Prince,” I explained. “There was someone strapped to a throne. Is that the prince? Why is he there like that?”

“We’re about to eat,” Roku said, frowning. “I just finished cooking, and _that’s_ what you look at before a meal?”

“We didn’t mean to,” Tetsuo groaned quietly from beside me, but I didn’t want to be derailed from another one of Roku’s stories. Judging by Kotori making no move or indication for me to stop, neither did she.

I bounced on my heels, my voice taking on a higher tone. “C’mon, Teach! Please!”

“Later,” he said, firm. I cheered as he continued, “It’s a bit of a distasteful tale, so not until you’re done with your chores, Yuma.”

“What about the two of us?” Kotori asked of her and Tetsuo.

They ignored my sulky look, and Roku answered, “Oh, I can tell you two anytime.”

 

* * *

 

Prince Vector’s story stayed with me. He followed me home from Roku’s temple, and stuck with me for the rest of the week like a ghost.

I wasn’t always fearless, even after I learned kattobingu from my dad.

Horror movies and stories would affect me the way it would any person; I'd stay awake and alert at night before having to sleep, focused on shifting shadows and imagining that they could be the latest beasts or nightmares that I had come across through any fictional media. There were nights when Kotori and I, sometimes with Tetsuo or Rio, would stay on call with each other after a shared movie night or book read – laughing at ourselves for how on edge we felt but, all the same, not being able to help it.

But that sort of fear and dread ended for me, and pretty quickly too. The change was so soon and sudden that I got my fair share of comments about it. "Oh? Yuma, you're not screaming with us!" Rio accused, and I couldn't blame the insult I heard in her voice; we're all used to her being the cool and collected one alongside her brother, so it was noticeable when, for once, I wasn't squealing at least an octave above her.

"Hehe, well! I'm over making a big deal out of these kinds of things," I declared, grinning at the ongoing film and at the feeling of Kotori's hands clutching my arm. "I've learned to tough it out!"

"Oh yeah? How!" Rio pouted. "Teach us a lesson, hot shot!"

"It's not kattobingu, is it?" Kotori peered sideways at me, and I laughed. That was answer enough for them, and it was a relief, because there's no way I can tell people the truth. At least, not to their face.

The truth is that the night after cleaning Rokujiro's library, after catching the sight of Vector bound to his own throne, I had my first nightmare of him.

At first, the dream played out like a memory – Master Roku's library, and this time, I was alone there, cleaning. In front of me was the book laid out on the same table we had used earlier that day, open to a blank page. That was when I froze, my breath constricted from panic, because I knew that on that blank page should have been a drawing of the demon prince quietly suffering from his own powers, resigned to the tendrils that were stabbing him onto his seat.

And rather than hearing a voice, it was as though I were recalling a line read in a book, even though I knew someone was speaking from behind me. "You believe in monsters." I turned, and Vector stood before the shelf that we plucked his story from, faceless and with tendrils dancing from his form, all wide shoulders and clawed hands and with a sharp-looking head. I wanted to run, but what would be the point.

"You believe in _me_ ," he said, without a voice. I woke up with a cry and his last word following me into the reality of my room. "…Good."

It was early morning when I woke up, terrified to go back to sleep, terrified in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I was worried that something was watching me from outside my closed window and curtains, or from somewhere inside the house. Somehow, this felt more intense than it was for previous monsters, but maybe that didn't matter. Like with the rest of them, I knew how to ease the fear, at least a little bit.

It didn't work as well for Vector. In sleep, I was restless, as though even in my dreams, I kept enough lucidness that I worried Vector would still appear, or would be gloating nearby, stalking me for the same reasons he stalked others in Rokujiro's tale.

I managed to play it off the next two days, not telling anyone except one person what was bothering me. "This is pretty weird for you," Kotori had said after I confessed what I was still mulling over. "Isn't this usually vice-versa? I complain to you after watching a horror movie. You're pretty tough when it comes to these things."

"That's just it!" I complained. "This one story is just _getting to me_ in a way every other one doesn't! I don't know how to snap myself out of it?"

Or I did, but I wasn't trying hard enough. That was a possibility, one I considered for a while until I came home that day.

My second nightmare was in the tunnels Rokujiro had described, a maze that would lead unsuspecting prisoners to Vector’s dungeon if the traps didn't kill them first. Kotori was laughing there, and she lead me deeper into the castle's underground. She seemed to be acting normal despite how strange her actions were. "Almost there," she chirped.

_Where_ , I wondered, but only smiled at her as she pulled me by the hand.

When we reached a spiral staircase heading down, there were no more torchlights, and rather than taking one with us, we climbed down the stairs blind. Finally, I couldn't see anything, and at feeling us reach the landing, no more stairs at my feet, Kotori let my hand go.

I cried out, and Shark's voice answered this time, grumbling as usual, "I'm here!" It was a relief to have a sound to follow, and I groped at the dark in front of me. "What's wrong with you, letting yourself get dragged down here? Have you always been so trusting?"

I registered how weird that was for him to say just as I reached him. I heard a torch flare to life, and saw that the hard surface I grabbed wasn't Shark's shoulder, but something larger and elongated. Vector's form was still wide, and as he leaned in close, I saw two wide eyes, bright flaming colors with no pupils, and lidless. He had no mouth, but still jeered with the same disembodied voice he had before, "Or are you just the obedient type?"

The jibe reminded me of my thoughts earlier that day, even if the memory, within the dream, was faint. I was backed into a wall, pinned between stone and the prince. "Do you know what I do to the passive ones," he teased, closing in until we were touching. He was just as hard as he looked, like rock, but he was warm.

_He's a monster_ , I reminded myself, and so leaned into him, forcing my hands to lay flat on his chest and my legs to rub against his. I relaxed my breathing, and it helped to imagine what Vector could do if only he had a mouth – if the flat smooth surface could open up like a reptile's, what kind of tongue would slither out, if it would be forked.

Vector stopped, then, arms pausing midway from grabbing my sides. With no change on his face or the rest of his form, he tilted his head. "Yuma." My hands clenched on his chest. Has a monster said my name in a dream before? "You're growing hard."

 

* * *

 

The first nightmare I learned to conquer wasn't from a show or a movie or a game. I didn't even read the book he came from. I read a summary, or synopsis, on the Internet, on what the story is. I was old enough to think I could handle a dark fiction – especially if I wasn't actually reading the novel itself. It was a popular book, with a famous monster, and I just wanted to see what the big deal was.

The big deal isn't the fact that Astral was an alien invader, or that he was created and built rather than born; there've been plenty of stories like that before. It was that every effort to fight him was pointless, his army and the way he forced people to change into creatures like him too ruthless. That forcefulness stayed with me when the rest of the house was quiet, when my brain couldn't help but think of scenarios of a monster like him trying to change me into something I'm not, a scenario where fighting or screaming would be useless.

I read that some of the first humans that Astral had stalked were families just outside their homes, and that made him worse for me before it made him better.

Astral's eyes would peer at me from outside my window, unfeeling and observant, not caring for anything other than his mission. What was he hoping to learn from watching people just live their daily lives at their houses? If he saw anything interesting, or strange, would he have been distracted from his original plot, even for a moment?

My curtains weren't fully closed that night, but my room was dark, so that no one except him could possibly see me. I know Astral isn't real, but at that time, the threat of him felt real enough that he was my last anxious thought before sleeping at nights, and he was real enough for me to imagine that, looking out the window, I would be staring straight at him. Still laying on my back, I reached under the hem of my shirt, and stroked my palm up over my stomach and chest, my shirt riding up with the movement of my hand.

I kept peering out my window until my bunched shirt reached my neck. I tugged it off over my head and let it fall to the floor.

_Astral, Astral._ Repeating his name to myself while doing this was an easier thing than I would've thought. My hands on my neck were slow to move and showy, letting Astral see what I might have let him do if he'd come in. It was easier than I would've thought for me to turn my fear into excitement.

"Astral," I breathed, reaching down, eyeing the shapes outside.

I don't want to admit what I do to get myself through the paranoia and anxiety that scary stories would put me through. But if anything _does_ happen to me, being embarrassed probably wouldn't be the worst thing that I'd have to suffer through afterwards. And I need to admit it, so that what Vector did could make sense.


	2. Shingetsu

Astral was the easiest. Maybe because he was supposedly beautiful, or because it wasn't hard at all to translate how intense he could be in his mission to how focused he could be on me. Ninety-six, the sequel's monster, was a little harder, but not by much – I read that he was wilder than Astral, but that didn't make his fantasy any more difficult.

By the time I watched Alit's movie, I had already gotten used to the technique. I wasn't even that ashamed of it because it _worked_. It made me feel better than I thought it would; I wasn't just _not scared_ anymore. I felt closer to these villains than I probably should.

I remember leaning back against the wall while propping myself on Vector's thighs, craning my neck to look at him and brushing my crotch on his leg at his comment. I remember Vector holding my sides, not tightly or clawing at me, and not even with enough strength to keep me from running. I remember thinking that I caught him off-guard, that I made him curious, and that I reached up with my teeth to nip at his jaw. He was like stone, and fever-hot. The claws at my sides twitched.

I remember that Vector was the one monster who reacted the least; all the others, during my fantasies and even my dreams, were lively, all the violence and power they had in them from their stories expressed in a different kind of way once I decided to do this with them. The most Vector did was step closer, so that even if my legs gave in, I'd stay upright between Vector and the wall alone.

I woke up with that, myself rubbing onto Vector, kissing and feeling the grooves of him. No tendrils, but what had been underneath was something as tough and unmovable as armor, his shoulders like sturdy plates.

Shingetsu caught me an hour before my meet-up with Rio and Kotori later that day. I didn't have anything else to do until then, so I’d started window shopping early for Takashi's birthday present.

"It's not even that great here," he murmured to me. I blinked at him. "Yeah, the cake," he explained. "I saw what they were keeping in stock, and the things look a few days old. There's another place that sells them fresh, though, two blocks down."

"Ah, really?" I peeked at the counter to see if the people there heard our conversation, but the man was speaking low enough for them not to. "What's it called, the place?"

"I forgot," he answered, then turned and walked to the door. "I remember where it is though – let me show you."

He abruptly left the store, the bell tinkling at his exit, and I gawked as he casually stood outside, waiting for me. Flustered, I followed him out, and he smiled.

"Uh, hey," I stammered. "Do I know you from somewhere? You're kind of familiar, but I, uh?"

"You don't remember? We went to the same school before!" He laughed, hands in his pockets outstretched as though to reveal more of himself. "Wow, then that must have been weird for me to talk to you in there, huh? Shingetsu," he introduced himself. "Yuma, right?"

"Yeah," I answered. "Sorry."

"It's nothing," he said, turning abruptly again. "We were kids, after all; it was a long time ago. C'mon, this way."

The bakery was a café too, the kind that Kotori would have loved, and Shingetsu had us sit with a sample slice and a fruit shake between us. On the way, we'd shared simple conversations starters – "How have you been?" "What are you doing now?" "Oh, a present?" – and by the time we were settled, I was still fumbling with putting my wallet away.

"It's fine," Shingetsu had waved off. "It's a reunion gift."

"Th-Thanks," I laughed, stuffing my money back in my pocket. "It looks great! How is it?" I asked, seeing that he already took a bite.

"Try it." He stabbed out a piece with the fork for me, and I paused briefly, realizing that we hadn't gotten two, and he expected us to share the same utensil. We hadn't even gotten separate drinks or straws.

I took the bite anyway; it was a little weird to act so close to someone I don't remember, but it'd probably be weirder for me to say anything about it. "Sheesh!" I cheered. "The flavor's so _rich_!"

Apparently, I squealed, and only realized when Shingetsu laughed sheepishly and peered at the customers who glanced at us. I blushed and rubbed my face. "Eh heh," I cringed. "Whoops."

"Hey, it's that good," Shingetsu smiled. "Didn't I say?"

I ended up eating most of the cake and tried to offer Shingetsu something to take home in repayment. He snickered and pushed the drink towards me, urging me to finish that too instead. "Don't worry about it," he said. "Maybe I'll ask you for a favor later if you still want to owe me."

He leaned back, stretching his arms over the back of the chair, and something about the wide stance and his last sentence made me pause. "Yeah," I mumbled quietly.

My phone beeped, and I fumbled with my pockets again to pick it up. "Kotori," I read aloud at seeing her message.

"Friend?" Shingetsu asked as I read her text; she was on her way. "Girlfriend?"

"Yeah– No! Friend," I clarified, staring at the slight tilt of his head as I went on. "Not girlfriend. She's one of the people I'm meeting with."

"Ah, don't let me keep you, Yuma," he said. "Leave when you have to. When you do get a partner, though, remember this is a nice place for a date. Oh, by the way, do you want to exchange numbers or emails or something?"

"Huh? Uh." It was silly of me to think of Roku’s story now, especially after the previous night, when I thought I would be over those kinds of worries already. The dread shouldn't have still been lingering. Decisively, I held up my phone again. "Mm-hm! Let's be text buddies, Shingetsu!"

He smiled wider as he got his own out, and I ignored the nagging jeer that Vector had voiced before. "Let me take a picture of you real quick," I suggested. "For your profile photo. Hey, you know, I forgot to take a picture of the cake."

He laughed, and let me.

Kotori teased me later that day. "Was he cute?" Of course, we eventually decided to buy Takashi's cake from that bakery at the day of the party. "He is!" She exclaimed at seeing his picture. "Treated you to a couple's dessert as soon as you ran into each other, huh? Go, Yuma~"

Before we were done shopping, Shingetsu had already texted me. Kotori and Rio giggled over my shoulder. "good luck today!” It read. “tell me how it went, if ur friends like the place we went to."

"He's so forward," Rio criticized, and Kotori agreed, "He's _so forward_ ," with praise.

I didn't answer him right away and groaned at them, handing Kotori the present bag so she could keep it until Takashi's birthday. "I don't even know if I'll see him again," I scoffed. "He's probably just friendly."

"You're right," Rio said. "Remember when we first met and I immediately brought you to a cute café and bought you cake? Everyone's just like that."

"Who isn't," Kotori added as I began to walk away, and I tried to wipe the blush off my face. It wasn't until I got home that I wondered whether or not I should've talked to her about why I'd feel the need to push Shingetsu away when I hardly ever feel the need to do that with anyone.

"It's just a story," I hissed to myself.

For days after, I wasn't afraid of being alone in the dark anymore. I wasn't exactly as zombie-like as I was the first few days after flicking through Roku's book in his library, weary and paranoid of even my close friends. I didn't even have any more dreams of Vector for nights. The only time I felt weary at all was when I was with my new friend, Shingetsu.

I replied later that day with, "they loved it, thanks!" The conversation kept going until I eventually accepted an invitation to another outing that weekend. It wasn't so much that I wanted to go than that I wanted to want to.

The most I complained to Kotori about was that Shingetsu was overly friendly, and though she couldn't disagree, she did point out that it wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

"Was he weird at all when you went to the market together," she asked after I told her about my next "date" with him. I shook my head. He bought us fruits to last days as a treat, and asked if I could take him to the city's theme park now that he was back in Heartland. I forced myself to say yes.

I didn't tell Kotori that I’d told him not to wear a jacket the next time we met, or that I was thinking of asking him to trim his manicure. Shingetsu had tilted his head at me when I asked, and I was tempted to ask him to stop doing that too. Feeling ridiculous and ashamed, I told him that it would be hot and we'd be playing a lot in the amusement park, and said nothing about how the shoulder pads of his jacket made him look too wide sometimes, or that his sharp style in nail art reminded me of claws.

"He's just too nice," I grumbled to Kotori again, not wanting to say anything more. "And he never lets me treat him – but I'm buying my own tickets when we get there!"

Kotori sighed, and she stared in a way that made me wonder if she knew that there was more to what I felt than what I was sharing.

Shingetsu was at Heartland Park before me, tickets on hand when we met near the entrance. I whined.

"Quit that," he laughed. "I just want us to go in right away instead of having to wait for you to get out of line. And you were right, by the way," he mentioned, tugging his shirt. "It's hot today."

"Just remember to let me pay you back!" I said, more or less ignored; he was already dragging us to one of the roller coasters.

I can't say that the reason I don't trust Shingetsu is because we moved too fast in our friendship. If the circumstances were different, the pacing would be perfect for me. Shingetsu was only a little overbearing but fun. "No no!" He stopped me from going on the next coaster after our first. "Not two fast ones back-to-back. That's a rule, right? This way; I saw a boat ride!"

"Th–!" I stopped, and let myself get pulled by him again, my lips pursing and hoping I wasn't red in the face. _That's for couples!_

We did it his way, going on a wild ride and then on a gentle one, like a pattern. When we were both tired and the sky was growing dim, he let me buy us a snack to refuel ourselves.

I was distracted by the adrenaline and mutual fun we were having; it was only when he grabbed my arm to pull me to the food booth that I remembered anything about Vector’s story, or why Shingetsu hasn't been sitting well with me. His manicure was sharp, and I plastered on a bigger smile as I asked him what he wanted to eat.

It wasn't hard to forget about my worries when we were on the rides. It wasn't hard to think of this as an actual date.

We were finally done running around later that night, and my mind reeled back into cautionary-tale mode. "Alright," Shingetsu chuckled, taking my hand and pulling. "Let's go."

"H-Huh?" I followed slowly, resisting the urge to drag or plant my feet. "What, where? Go where?"

"Where else? It's night already." He turned back to me. "I'm taking you home."

 _Home? Who's home?_ I wanted to say yes; I wanted to agree. Shingetsu squeezed my arm and tugged to the direction of the tunnel leading to the trains, and even though we were at a place with other people, the scene felt too reminiscent of my dream. That I _did_ want to kiss Shingetsu made the comparison even clearer, and I felt worse.

"I-I can go by myself, actually!" I did stop then, trying to ignore the surprise in Shingetsu's face. "Yeah, let's just split up by the trains. Th-Thanks, though! Come on!"

The smile on his face faded, but he didn't let go of my hand. I pulled him along until we were in front of the tracks, surrounded by others who were going home from the Park. He tried to grin again, but grimaced once we stood side-by-side. I squeezed his hand back.

"I had fun today," I told him, getting a sense that he was feeling dejected. "Thanks."

"Shouldn't I be thanking you?" He said as we both caught the blinking notice of an incoming train. It was mine. "I mean, I asked you to show a newbie to this place. So you helped me, really."

"Oh yeah? You didn't come here even when you were a kid?"

"When I was?– Ah, no. I didn't." He chuckled. "Never really had anyone my age to go with. Is that weird?"

"Nah! We made up for it today!" He was able to smile at that, and I was proud that my cheer defused some tension.

The lights of the train and its hissing grew nearer. "Listen," Shingetsu prodded me, voice firm. "Sometimes I'm a little pushy, and I think I might've…jumped to conclusions with you, today. Ah," He smiled again, glancing at the incoming light. "I'll just say it. You're cute, Yuma." Both our hands were clutching each others', and I felt myself leaning closer to him. His voice had grown softer while the train's sounds rose. "What do you think of me?"

The train stopped, its doors opening, and taking a chance, I stepped forward to quickly kiss his cheek.

He didn't move at first, frozen and staring at me, and then his hands were on my waist, pulling me close and hugging me.

"That's good." I felt him smile when he nuzzled me. "Thank you – for trusting me."

A short, soft beep alerted us that the doors would close, and I jumped away from him, nearly tripping over myself but getting into the car on time. He raised his hand as the doors slid closed, and waved as the train sped past. I didn't wave back.

The next day, I didn't answer his texts either. It was mean of me, more than it was to just be suspicious of him because of a story that Roku told me. It must have looked like I was rejecting him out of nowhere, but that’s not what I meant for it to look like. I didn’t mean for it to look like anything; I just wanted time.

I’d sat on the idea of just spilling my guts to Kotori for a while, and hours into agonizing over Shingetsu’s latest texts (“did i hurt you?”), I finally did.

She tried to comfort me over the phone for a while after I told her about the kiss. She probably thought that I was just nervous or getting cold feet over whether or not to take the next step with Shingetsu, or that I didn’t want to hurt his feelings with rejection. “Something’s been bothering me,” I told her.

“Yeah?” She asked, soft and encouraging.

“I haven’t talked about it in a while, but,” I hung my head. “Remember I’m still thinking about Vector?”

“Oh _no_ , yuma!” It wasn’t the worst response, and I expected it. Now that I was getting it, it was at least one less thing off my chest. “Are you like this with Shingetsu because of that?”

 _Yes._ “A little,” I said. “At first. I mean, I had this– nightmare right after Teach told us that story. And the next day, I met Shingetsu. Isn’t that creepy? So I was really…kind of…” _frightened_. “I couldn’t be comfortable around him for a while. Like, what if…?”

Kotori waited for me to finish, and when my own self-doubt stopped me, she spoke, “What if he’s Vector in disguise?”

“–But he’s not,” I completed. My voice didn’t make the statement sound convincing, and anyone would've been able to tell that I’ve been antsy over the possibility for a while despite my own words. “I know he’s not.” It sounded like I was just trying to comfort myself. (I was.)

“You said he hasn’t done anything or acted badly?” Kotori questioned. I confirmed it. “The way you talked about him made him sound nice, but honestly, if you're having bad vibes about this guy, maybe you should cut him off. I would say that, but–" And I could tell that she made an effort to keep the skepticism from her tone. "–are you really still thinking of the Prince story? You think it's real?"

"No?" I answered, scratching my head. Like how it was with Astral, it wasn't about whether or not I believed he was real. It was more about my imagination going wild with _but what if something like him really was?_ It was about how easy it was to imagine myself helpless to Astral's coldness, or Ninety-six's anger, or to be tricked by Vector's illusions only to fall for a trap I wouldn't be able to get out of.

"I don't know," I added. "Teach never seemed like the kind of guy who's into fiction, and the way he talked about Vector made it sound like he really existed. You didn't think that?"

"I did, but I thought he was just talking like that for effect. You should go to him if this is still bothering you," she urged. "It's one thing if you feel this way about just one person, but if you start worrying that Vector is in disguise as the people around you, then…"

I laughed. "Yeah." I didn't want to admit to Roku that I actually got creeped out by him, though; even if he was usually serious, he could be really teasing when he wants to. "If it's still bothering me, I will."

"What are you going to do about Shingetsu?"

"I can't just keep ignoring him." I frowned at my blinking phone; even during a call, it was signaling new messages. "I'll talk to him, tomorrow maybe, but I don't know what to say?"

"You're scared of starting something with someone new," she suggested. "Like, yeah, telling him you're scared he's a _monster_ might be too much, but you can be honest without giving him details, if you want."

"He might think I came out of a bad relationship and he's my rebound." I was able to grin at hearing her chuckle.

"It's fine to need time, though, or to just not want to get into a romance. He should understand."


	3. Chapter 3

I wasn't led by Kotori's smile or Shark's grumbling or anyone that night. Vector came for me instead, the only pretense left that of him still wearing the skin and clothes he did when he first called himself Shingetsu.

The park was active and running, but no one was with us this time, the merry-go-round spinning before us vacant. I turned away from Shingetsu's stare and walked in the opposite direction, still feeling him focused on my back.

There was no sound of footsteps behind me, so his voice calling me from nearby startled me more than the sound of a roller coaster screaming past. "Why bother trying to leave?" He mocked. I jumped and turned, seeing Shingetsu walk leisurely towards me. No longer with the disembodied, unfamiliar voice, he went on, "I can just keep you here forever, you know. Didn't the old man tell you that? I play with my food."

"I'm not food," I snapped, then clicked my mouth shut. Vector only snickered with Shingetsu's usual smile, but I was still mortified that I might have to fight or argue with a _demon_.

"You don't have to," Vector replied to my thoughts. Vaguely, I was aware that I was dreaming, and wondered if the thing in front of me wasn't just something my head cooked up, especially for it to know me so well. He stepped closer. "And maybe you're right." Dark nails rested on my shoulder, and Vector stared with the same soft eyes he did when we last met by the trains. "It's been a long time since anyone's kissed me, after all. Twice! Smitten thing."  

I reached up and held the hand on my face, the reminder of our first kiss tempting me to just hold him there rather than push him away. He laughed at that, and held my face with both hands to pull me closer.

"What's with you?" He huffed, squinting at me. "Is it because you're telling yourself this isn't real? Or would you be like this even if you knew?" The fingers that reminded me of claws each time I met with Shingetsu really did feel like it now, Vector's hands moving to palm my neck and pinch at the hair behind my head. "If I really do make you stay with me forever, would you kiss me more often, like you did the first time?"

His mouth was already over mine when he asked, and his breath was just as warm as I'd felt him to be in our last dream. I opened my mouth to it and waited until he leaned forward, the lips that had been nonexistent before pressing against mine.

His teeth were sharp and his tongue heated. I let myself whimper into him and moved my arms around his neck. I didn't feel myself trembling until he started rubbing my back, the gesture comforting and then suddenly not; his hands clenching so that the nails dug into my shirt. The cloth bunched in his grip, and he pulled away to tug it off over my head.

"Wh–!?" I raised my arms, but apparently I wasn't quick enough and heard my shirt ripping before it was thrown aside. "Wait–"

" _Why?_ " Vector let his jacket fall behind him and grabbed my wrist. "Are you cold?" He grinned, driving my hands to his shirt. "You know why I'm so warm, don't you, Yuma? You would be too, where I'm from."

I could feel myself shaking harder, then, and Vector hugged me to his chest. "There, there." The cooing was grating with insincerity and cruelty. Hands raked through my hair, petting, but they began to feel heavier and rough. "Have I been scaring you? You've been so brave, though. The priests who did this to me didn't have half the balls you do."

The praise was sarcastic and the piece of his history was meant to scare me. I pecked his neck anyway, kissing him before nipping and sucking. The laugh he let out echoed in the setting of my dream, the loudest he's given yet, and his throat continued to throb beside me as he spoke. " _Oh!_ Sorry, did you feel bad for me for a minute? Sweet Yuma!"

Something began to shift underneath his clothes, and I clenched my eyes shut, knowing what was happening by the hardening of flesh on Vector's neck. Shingetsu's voice remained a constant, though, and it was with his voice that he continued to tease, grabbing me by the hair and pulling, forcing me to face up. "Don't hide from this." I heard the ripping of more fabric, not mine anymore despite that both my own hands were passive on Vector's widening shoulders, and that Vector himself was confining me to him with both arms. "Don't you like me? More so _because_ of this, right?"

I open my eyes then. Vector's wings were outstretched and glistening with solid drops of red, and I saw the rest of his form clearly this time, skin gray and edges pointed. "It's thrilling, isn't it, throwing yourself all over the dangerous ones? Pretty shameless." He leered as we both rose up, higher, my feet lifting from the ground. "No wonder you don't tell your friends about how you've fucked all your unfuckable abominations. Or, no; you're the kind who wants us to fuck you." His fingers were sharp and talon-like, darting from my back to much lower, between the backs of my thighs. "That's right, isn't it?"

"Vector!" I yelped as we flew higher, darting my arms around his neck as the demon glided us closer to the clanking and screeching coaster nearby. The cars sped past, and Vector pressed us under the coaster's tracks. I nestled into a small gap of the track’s steel base.

His grip loosened, and I screamed, panicked. My arms snapped up and I held myself steady by gripping the steel beside me. That, along with the bar I sat on, Vector's arms kept me balanced from tipping down the space behind me.

He floated in front of me, and leisurely propped an arm on one of the bars over my head. "I'm curious." His other claw moved to stroke my thigh, and I hissed, the lack of Vector's support forcing me to keep myself balanced on my own. "Which one is your favorite? I'd hope it's me," he added gleefully. "Did you like it rough best, or was the alien abduction what you’re into?"

I was already hard when Vector's hand began to rub me through my pants, my breathing ragged and growing louder once he grinded himself on me outright, hands moving to my pants and pulling down.

The return of the coaster's cars squealing past startled me, and my grip on the bars went slack. What caught me from slipping back was warm and scaly, and the tendrils Vector had worn at our first sight slithered around the two of us, wrapping around my waist and arms and guiding my hands back to the bars. I screamed.

My eyes darted from one tentacle to the other, recognizing the familiar pointed tips from the picture of Vector in Roku's book. "Or did you like this one best," Vector asked, slipping one of his new limbs down my loosened pants and wrapping it slow around my shaft. I threw my head back as I cried out.

" _Oh,_ I think we found our answer." Beneath him, I arched up and whimpered, tears finally leaking when the pressure of Vector's tentacle and my own pants felt too tight.

Vulgar as it was, Vector's stroking was gentle, as were the arms that hugged me once again – just as he did after I kissed his cheek. Like then, he perched his head into my neck. "You know why I came to you at first, Yuma."

I grit my teeth, more thrown by the pause that told me Vector was really waiting for a reply than by the actual weight behind my answer. I moaned, "My soul." Then added quickly, trying and failing to sound firm, "You can't have it."

"No," Vector agreed. The tendril stopped and slid from my pants, and I whined. Vector rubbed my back, the sharpness of his fingers just grazing. "Then be my familiar, Yuma." I felt his hand dip lower again, but another tendril snuck in instead, curving and lightly pressing where it would be able to enter, its tip retracted and smooth. I squirmed, peering to catch Vector's eyes and expression, but his face was still buried in my shoulder. "We can see each other whenever we want," he promised, the tip of his tendril beginning to prod. "Say yes."

"N…" Not yet inside, Vector rubbed me as he pressed gradually deeper, massaging my back and front – his main body grinding slow onto me. "Not…–" I hissed, " _Don't do it like this!_ "

The thing pressing into me stopped, and Vector turned to face me. "I…" Uncertain and hopeful, I managed, "I want Shingetsu."

Vector didn't move or tense at the request, but his eyes fluttered and sparked, a reaction that spoke of anything from surprise to indignant anger. But it was subtle, and I was distracted by other sensations. After a moment, Vector lifted himself from me enough so I could see that his face had reverted back to Shingetsu's. He smirked, but even with the leer, his expression remained cruel and seemed skeptical. "Like this?"

"No." Though it wasn't much, I could feel some relief at seeing his face – instead of the usual tension I kept when we’d meet. Slowly, I spoke, rehearsing the words in my head to make sure it was really what I wanted. "I want everything to look like Shingetsu. Make it feel like I'm doing this with just Shingetsu."

The tentacle retreated from my pants as Vector frowned outright, but otherwise, he fulfilled my request. The bindings around my arms slid away from me as well, and I gripped the bars tighter before all of the tentacles retreated into Vector's back until they were completely out of sight. Before Vector went further, he snapped, "Shingetsu isn't real."

He glowered, and I nearly shrunk back.

I knew that if Vector was real, then Shingetsu likely couldn't be – just a mask Vector made up to hide behind. But I wanted Shingetsu to be real, especially if Vector was. Shingetsu became an important part of Vector to me.

He huffed, and like a curtain being lifted, Vector's form, sans his wings, dissipated in front of me, quick and nothing like the swelling demonic transformation. Shingetsu's frown remained, but he leaned down towards me nonetheless, hands coming to rest on my sides again. "You like me best this way."

It didn't sound like a question, and I said nothing, reaching out and palming the softer face. I caught the sight of his eyes narrowing as I kissed his cheek.

The sound of the roller coaster returned, but a variant of what it was the handful of times it passed by before. The subtle beat of the cars riding over the tracks was replaced by a more steady hissing, and as it grew louder, I realized that the sound was familiar.

I pulled away from Vector but was too frozen with panic to move or even squint my eyes against the oncoming light. I turned to the noise and watched the train loom closer, and woke up before I could think to scream.

I sat up panting and still as hard as I remembered being just a moment before. Groaning, I closed my eyes again and reached down, pumping myself. I whispered his name. No one was watching me this time, not even as a fantasy. Vector had left me for the night, but I still called him when I finished and even after, as though he would make the tears stop when the reality of him was what had caused them in the first place.

 

* * *

 

I didn't reply to him right away. Part of me was tempted to vent to Kotori again, or even Shark, who could be crass and harsh but usually had good insight and advice anyway. I'd even guess that he'd be the kind of friend to tell me to drop Shingetsu quickly – maybe all my friends would, if they knew what's been happening with me.

"can we meet today?" I sent without confiding in any of them first. If anything, Kotori already knew enough that, if something happened to me or if I looked like shit the next time we see each other, she could connect the dots. Shingetsu answered in moments. I went to the park ahead of time, pacing by the water until I received a text saying he was here.

"Uh." He stood from the bench as I came closer, and both of us tried to smile at each other. "Hi."

Vector's inhuman form had been the highlight last night, and so I wasn't expecting it to be this hard to look at Shingetsu's face now. Even though he was straining to smile, his eyes were scrutinizing and frowning at me, just like they were before I woke up. I looked away while saying, "Sorry I didn't answer your texts."

"Yeah." His hands fisted as they slid into his pockets. "Sorry too, to say this. It was just a day, but I was pretty mad." His icy smirk looked more sincere than his trying smile. "So I went after you. I looked for you," he continued, and I forced myself to breathe evenly despite my pounding heart. "In the café, and where the market opens. Here, too. Are you okay now, though?" He asked, coming closer. "I was worried you'd be distant for longer."

"I–" His hands stayed in his jacket, but we were close enough that I could still pull them out and hold them. I chanced looking up again, but his frown was too familiar, the memory of when he last glowered at me intimate. I rubbed my neck and fought down the heat creeping into my face.

"What is it?"

"I like you." It wasn't a confession by now, and Shingetsu kept still, face unsurprised. "But we were too fast, I think. Shingetsu," I tested. "I still don't know much about you."

"You know me plenty," he argued. His hand came up, still sharp and warm but soft, his hold on me gentle. "You seemed fine with us the other day. Did something happen?" I cringed. "Tell me."

"You remind me of someone," I admitted, wondering how much I could reveal. Whether it was worse to be utterly embarrassed or to have the paranoia I've felt be justified, I couldn't tell. "I really like you, but being with you makes me– worried.” The need to sugar-coat it nearly made me scowl. “I just see him in you so much, my dream–"

I stopped, my teeth clicking shut, and Shingetsu squeezed my clenched hand. "Yes?" He urged.

"Nothing," I mumbled. "You're _him_ in my dream, is all."

I almost groaned as he asked, "And what did I do?" He sighed when I shook my head and tugged my arm closer. "This is bothering you, Yuma. I like you too; you know that. I want you to talk to me about this."

It was a mistake to think that just because Shingetsu's form had been tamer last night that it meant I wouldn't respond to him actually leaning so close to me now. I turned my face aside, but Shingetsu caught me, and I only blushed more when he guessed, "You dreamed of us last night."

Feeling me tense, Shingetsu's hand forced mine to hold him back and clench him. "It was–" I tried to explain, but nothing in Shingetsu's face seemed to be searching me. His gaze was steady, as though he already knew. "We–" The understanding in his face could have been from my obvious reactions, but I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell if he already knew or not from the start of our conversation.

"I see." He leaned to me, lips over mine and breath not as fever-hot as before. "It wasn't a bad dream."

Another statement, but I answered the question behind it anyway. "It wasn't."

I couldn't convince myself that this was our first mutual kiss, never mind that his teeth were flat and normal, and his hold on me loose. I pulled at his lips and was bit in return, teeth lightly clamping on me before Shingetsu pressed our lips together again.

My hands pushed him away a moment later, and he held onto my arms, latching us together. "Too fast?" His small smile made him seem more mocking than concerned.

"You’re not even asking me," I brought up, "who the person you make me think of is. Aren't you curious?"

Nothing in his expression told me he cared to wait for an answer, and that too-understanding gaze returned. "Vector," I called him.

"Would you even care," he countered, petting my head, "if we were the same person? Even if that's the case, you said you liked me. Would you stop?"

He didn't wait long and kissed me again, both of us already feeling the answer. I gripped Vector's jacket in my hands, and didn't have to fight with myself to keep them there.

“But are you, really,” is a question that I haven’t asked him yet, and it’s one I don’t know if I’ll ever have the stomach to voice. On the surface is this: I got over my fear of Vector, in Kotori’s eyes, and I’ve started a relationship with a considerate boyfriend. I didn’t even have to talk to Roku in order to calm myself down, but I know I should.

What does someone do, though, if he doesn’t have to ask anything; if he already knows the answers, and that hearing anything said aloud would just make the situation that happens afterwards inescapable? If you’ve been loving a monster dressed as a sheep, what would force you to eventually rip the disguise off and deal with the chaos that comes of it?

I spend more time with Shingetsu alone than I do with our friends – my friends, really; he hasn’t kept any connections from Heartland until his recent arrival, he says. I love spending time with Shingetsu, how his arms hook me to him regardless of whether or not other people are around. I love how heavy it feels, the knowledge of what he could become, how literally hooked I could instantly be, and how he doesn’t.

I think I even love it when he smirks with all his teeth, when his nails find my skin, when he said he’d go after me again if I stopped talking to him. Since I’ve started dating him and seeing him so often, I haven’t had another dream with Vector, and we know why.

I’m not comfortable with my new friend, and I shouldn’t be, but I’m not leaving. And I don’t know what I’ll do from here onwards, or what I’ll do after this peace snaps. We can’t pretend forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin! I'm sorry to all the people who believed in me. You were wrong. 
> 
> Please leave kudos for Yuma's present and future suffering. And if you're interested in my older fics, they're at empraise.tumblr.com/fanfiction


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